So In Love
by Midnight Skye1
Summary: Takes place in St. Mungo's. Remus and Tonks grieve over event in OotP, while coming to terms with their feelings for each other. Please Read &Review!
1. An Opened Wound

AN: This is my very first fan fic story! I'm not J.K. Rowling of course, but I have used her characters.  
  
Summary: It takes place after Sirius's death and the events at the Ministry. Tonks is in St. Mungo's recovering from her injuries she received at the Department of Mysteries and Remus is by her side deep in thought, reflecting on what just happened.  
  
Please review!  
  
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The previous nights events kept replaying in his head over and over again. The thought of Sirius' last moments overwhelmed him. 'Why did he have to die?' He asked himself.  
  
What if's and if only's filled his head. If only Snape hadn't stopped giving Harry Occlumency lessons. If only Harry and his friends did not go to the Ministry last night. If only he had joined in and helped Sirius when he and Bellatrix were duelling. What if Sirius hadn't died? What if they had gotten there just a bit earlier and could have this whole mess been avoided? What if Harry had died? He would never of forgiven himself if something ever happened to Harry. These questions and questions similar raced through his mind but brought him no comfort.  
  
He found it difficult to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes those horrible, painful events were there waiting for him. Everything had seemed so surreal. His body felt numb from the pain he was feeling. Not to mention how uncomfortable he was sitting in one of those stiff hospital chairs in St. Mungo's.  
  
He ran his hand through his greying hair. Dark circles had formed under his bloodshot eyes. His clothes were more shabbier than ever before. He still hadn't grieved. It was too hard, too soon. The memory of his best friend dying was still fresh, like an opened wound.  
  
The man in him wanted to break down and cry, but the werewolf in him said no, he had to stay strong-for Harry's sake. He had found it very difficult to hold himself back last night, not to mention holding Harry back as well. All Harry had wanted was Sirius to come out from the veil. A part of him also hoped and prayed that Sirius would come out all right, unhurt, and unfazed. But he knew better, and he was too busy keeping Harry from meeting that same fate. He could not keep Harry from going after Bellatrix Lestrange. Hell, he would have gone after her in a heartbeat and performed the Cruciatus curse on her in an instant. A rage grew inside of him as he thought of her. 'She will pay,' he vowed. He briefly thought of killing her for a second but abandoned that thought very quickly.  
  
"She will pay," he said aloud, "for what she did to Sirius, the Longbottoms, and Tonks."  
  
Tonks!  
  
He gazed at her sleeping face beside him. Her hair was a light brown colour. He couldn't help but wonder if that might be her natural hair colour. She looked so sweet, so innocent, and so beautiful despite the cut on her forehead and the purple bruise on her cheek caused by the fall she took when duelling with Bellatrix. It was hard to believe that only twelve hours earlier she had been by his side at the Ministry.  
  
All he could remember was seeing a flash of purple light and Tonks falling down those deep stairs in the Department of Mysteries. He remembered that panicky feeling he felt when he thought she might be dead. Losing another friend in the same night would have been even more unbearable. He wouldn't have been able to stand that pain.  
  
At that moment he wanted nothing more than for Tonks to open up her eyes so he could look in to those blue, green, brown (which ever colour they were) eyes and tell her that he loved her.  
  
It had been so long since he allowed himself to get close to someone. People were usually nervous and untrustworthy of being around the company of a werewolf. Tonks wasn't. He found himself staring out the window thinking about her as he watched the purple/orange/pink sun rise. The suns colours reminded him of Tonks many changing hair colours.  
  
"Good morning Remus." Smiled Almena the Healer as she entered the room. He hadn't heard her come in.  
  
"Good morning," muttered Remus. He couldn't see what was so good about it. He watched as Almena changed Tonks' bandages.  
  
"Will she be alright?" He asked.  
  
"Oh yes, she should make a full recovery. She should be waking up any time now." Almena then walked across the room and was checking the patient opposite Tonks.  
  
Remus then found himself staring at the portraits of famous healers, and of the current healers walking around in green and yellow robes. He had been in St. Mungo's loads of times before as a child after a werewolf bit him. His parents didn't know how to handle him, and seemed almost fearful sometimes of having a son who was a werewolf. He thought of his difficult childhood and the happy memories of his time at Hogwarts with the rest of the Marauders.  
  
He was completely lost in thought until he heard a soft moaning noise.  
  
Tonks was slowly waking up. She opened her eyes slowly, wincing slightly as they adjusted to the light.  
  
"Hi." She whispered and let out a faint smile.  
  
"Hi." Said Remus, a great smile appearing on his face.  
  
He gazed into those *hazel* eyes of hers. He knew he had to tell her everything; about his feelings for her, about Voldemort, about what happened at the Ministry afterwards, and about Sirius. She didn't know he was dead yet.  
  
'Yes,' he said to himself, 'I must tell her everything.' And with that his smile slowly faded from his lips.  
  
*********** AN: I'm not sure if I should continue this story. It'll probably depend on the feedback I get from it. ************ 


	2. No Turning Back

Authors Note: Finally chapter 2 is done. Sorry it's taken so long. Hope you enjoy and please review afterwards!  
  
Disclaimer: I'm not J.K. Rowling of course!  
  
Thank you everyone for all the reviews and support! ************************************************************  
  
"How are you feeling Tonks?" Asked Remus gently.  
  
"I'm okay," she replied rather weakly, "just a bit tired and sore."  
  
Tonks was trying to get up, grimacing slightly from the pain. She was almost in a sitting position when she felt a pair of rough hands pushing her gently back down. "No Tonks stop. You need rest; you're not strong enough yet. Just lie down and relax." Said Remus quite firmly.  
  
Tonks obeyed and was leaning back into her pillow when her elbow knocked over a vase full of flowers that went crashing to the floor as a result. Luckily the vase had an unbreakable charm on it-a gift from her partner Kingsley-but the flowers and water spilled out everywhere.  
  
"Oops!" Cried Tonks. Her cheeks went a light shade of pink.  
  
"Don't worry, I'll get it." Said Remus as he pulled his wand out of his robes. With a whoosh everything was clean and back where it belonged. "Clumsy old Tonks," muttered Remus quietly to himself. "Yup, clumsy old Tonks," she repeated.  
  
Remus burned a light shade of red; he didn't think she heard him. They gave each other a smile and a nervous laugh. Their eyes locked for a moment.  
  
'She's so beautiful,' thought Remus. He suddenly realized she was staring at him just as he was staring at her. He jerked his gaze. He suddenly felt very aware of his appearance. He thought he must look like crap thanks to a horrific night and the coming full moon. He must remind her of a shabby old dog. He wished he had at least combed his hair, but a part of him didn't mind having Tonks see him like this. He felt comfortable around her, and he knew she liked him for him. Besides, she would soon understand everything he had just been through.  
  
"So." said Tonks finally breaking the silence between them, "what did happen last night? I can't remember."  
  
"Hmmm?" Remus asked unsurprised by this question.  
  
"Tell me what happened!" Ordered Tonks, her face very serious now. She kept looking at him waiting for some kind of answer. Remus shifted uncomfortably in his chair and swallowed hard. He could feel her eyes burning into him. He closed his eyes for a moment as he thought of how he should break the news to her.  
  
"Remus tell me now!" Her voice was rising from both anger and frustration. "Is Harry okay? Are the other children all right? Did they get the prophecy? What about the Death-Eaters? Did you-know-who show up?" Her mind was full of unanswered questions. She was talking very fast and her face was going red from lack of breath.  
  
"Look Tonks be quiet!" Interrupted Remus, "don't worry I'll tell you everything okay?" Tonks nodded, her hair was now a beautiful shiny black.  
  
'How am I going to tell her this?' He thought quickly. He could feel the perspiration on his forehead. He looked at Tonks propped up against the pillows. She was still waiting. He rested his head on his hand.  
  
"Is Harry okay?" Tonks asked, a touch of worry in her voice.  
  
"Yes, Harry's fine." Remus lied.  
  
"Well then what is it? What happened? Why do you look like you've just lost your best friend?" She innocently asked, unaware of the answer she would get.  
  
Remus just looked at her but said nothing. His face was pale, and his eyes swelled with tears. He nodded his head up and down. "B-because." he stammered choking on tears, "I have."  
  
Tonks face fell, she gasped.  
  
"Sirius-" he said in an almost whisper.  
  
"No!" Cried Tonks her eyes shut, 'it can't be, it just can't be."  
  
Remus took a deep breath before trying to speak again. "Sirius is dead." Those words were so hard for him to say!  
  
Tonks put her hand over her mouth, tears streamed down her face. She was crying. Remus saw and went to her. There weren't any words he could think of to say to her at that very moment. He embraced her in his arms. She buried her face in his shoulder sobbing heavily. He realized he was crying just as much-maybe more than she was. It was the first time Remus really cried over Sirius. They remained like that for a while.  
  
After the heavy crying turned into soft sobs, Tonks pulled her face away from Remus. His jacket was wet from her tears. She looked at him, and gently brushed aside a falling tear from his face. He looked into her eyes, she in his, both their eyes were red and puffy.  
  
"How.how did Sirius die?" She asked faintly in between sobs.  
  
"Hmmm?" Replied Remus, he had been waiting for this question.  
  
"How did it happen?"  
  
Remus turned his body from hers. He said nothing at first. Tonks was looking intently at him. She was still very visibly upset, which is understandable. Remus turned his gaze to the floor. He felt as if he was going to breakdown crying again. He took several deep breaths before he told her. He told her everything, all about Sirius, Harry, the veil, Bellatrix, the prophecy, and Voldemort's return. He thought it would be hard to talk about. But he was surprised at how easy it was talking to Tonks. Once he started he couldn't stop. Tonks was very quiet as she listened to him, hanging on to his every word.  
  
When he finished, he felt his mouth go dry and his voice go hoarse. He needed a drink! He looked up at Tonks who remained quiet, which even for Tonks was unusual. Her face was stained with tears. Then without warning, she began to cry again. He went to her and held her in his arms. He enjoyed holding her; in fact he never wanted to let her go. He rubbed his hand gently up and down her back as she cried. Tonks had her arms wrapped around his waist. After everything she had just heard, she found some sort of comfort in Remus' arms.  
  
They remained like this for a long time, both crying. To Remus and Tonks it felt like only fifteen minutes had past, when in reality almost an hour had come and gone.  
  
Remus was wrapped up in his own thoughts of Sirius' death and of his feelings for Tonks. He wanted to tell her how he felt about her, but he didn't want to make her feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable. He wanted to tell her this for the longest time, but for some reason he never did. Fear of rejection or embarrassment, it never seemed like the right time to him. But seeing his best friend die gave him a new perspective on life. He just had to tell her. No more excuses. Right now he would tell her how he felt, hopefully she would tell him she felt the same way about him and they would be happy.  
  
"Um Tonks?" Said Remus in a rather nervous voice, "There's something else I need to tell you." He distanced himself from her.  
  
"What?" Asked Tonks. "Is there something you've forgotten to tell me? More bad news?" Her voice was panicky and edgy.  
  
"No, no, no I didn't forget anything. I hope you think of it as good news." He said rather hopefully.  
  
"Good, because I don't think I can take any more bad news."  
  
Just as Tonks finished saying that, there was a loud knock on the door of her hospital room and in entered a very tired and fatigued Kingsley Shacklebot. "Hey there Tonks! I see you're up. How are you feeling?" He asked rather positively.  
  
"Not bad now that you're here." Joked Tonks as she forced a smile.  
  
"Hello Remus." Said Kingsley almost sympathetically.  
  
"Hello."  
  
"Thought I'd just drop by and see how you were doing. I assume you've filled her in on everything Remus?" Said Kingsley as he stood by at the end of the bed.  
  
"Yes. She knows. How are things at the Ministry? Complete chaos I expect?" Remus said as he changed the subject. He didn't in particular want to talk about Sirius, especially with Kingsley there.  
  
"You better believe it. You should have seen the look on old Fudge's face when he saw you-know-who last night Tonks. It was priceless." He chuckled as he said this. "Things aren't going to be so hard for us from now on. We don't have to work against the Ministry anymore. Anyways I can't stay long, got to get back to work. Got a stack of paperwork high enough to hit the ceiling to get through. Maybe I should bring some over for you to do while you're in here?"  
  
Tonks smiled, then she replied "not a chance."  
  
"Well.it was worth a shot."  
  
Kingsley stayed a good ten minutes. He gave Tonks a quick hug before saying his goodbyes.  
  
"Bye Kingsley!" Said Tonks.  
  
"Bye." Said Remus.  
  
"Well that lifted my spirits for a while." Exclaimed Tonks.  
  
"Yeah." Muttered Remus, "mine too."  
  
'Damn,' he thought, 'I was so close to telling her. If only Kingsley had picked a different time to visit. Oh well, nothing I can do about it. I've got to get this over with. Why do I feel so nervous? It's like I'm a child again.'  
  
Tonks was staring at him. Her eyes were a bright blue, hair pink with spikes. She wasn't crying anymore, her face still damp from earlier.  
  
"Tonks," he said, "I have to tell you something."  
  
"What is it Remus?" She asked apprehensively.  
  
"Something important. It can't wait."  
  
Remus moved closer to her. He held out his hand to hers, looking affectionately into her eyes, wondering if she felt the same way as he did.  
  
'All right,' thought Remus, 'this is it. The moment I've been waiting for. Here I go. No turning back.' 


	3. I Love You Oops!

A.N: I know it's taken me a long time to post this chapter. I've been busy with school and work. I hope everyone enjoys it!!! *****************************************************  
  
Tonks looked curiously at Remus. His eyes were warm, the red and puffiness gone. His hair was wild looking, like he hadn't brushed it in days. His face pale looking and drained. She thought he needed to eat a good meal, he was so thin, and his clothes were shabbier than ever, 'could the full moon be approaching?' she thought. Nonetheless, she found him to be particularly attractive right now. She always thought Remus was attractive, right from the very beginning. There was just something about him that caught her eye.  
  
They were both very good friends. In the time she had known Remus, she had never seen him so vulnerable before. She probably wouldn't have admitted it, but deep down she liked seeing him this way. He had never really opened up to her before; he was always quiet, withdrawn, and mysterious. 'I guess being feared and unwanted for a lifetime does that to a person,' she thought.  
  
Remus had had initial reservations about their friendship in the beginning because of the thirteen-year age difference between them. But Tonks didn't have a problem with it; the age difference didn't matter to her at all. After all, Kingsley and her were friends, and he's much, much older than Remus. She'd tried to convince him it didn't matter and thought she was successful. But deep down she wondered if he still had any lingering doubts.  
  
Their friendship had always been a very close one, although strictly platonic. They met at the Ministry after being introduced by Arthur Weasley, and soon she joined the Order where they were working with each other side by side.  
  
She wondered how he was holding up after everything. She knew he was hurting very much. She wanted him to open up and talk to her about it, but she didn't want to force it out of him. 'When he's ready, he'll tell me and I won't make him if he's not ready' she vowed silently in her head. A huge part of her wanted to talk about losing Sirius. It hurt her too, so much. After all they were cousins, not very close, but he was still the only member of her family that she wasn't ashamed of and didn't disown her because she was different. Tears filled her eyes as she thought of him. She hardly ever cried, especially in front of people. It was a strange feeling for her.  
  
"What's wrong Tonks?" Asked Remus rather concerned.  
  
"Oh, I was just thinking about Sirius again." A lone tear fell down her cheek as she spoke. She began to cry again against her will. She tried to stop, but couldn't.  
  
"Hey it's okay." Said Remus as he went to console her again.  
  
"I'm sorry." She whispered between sobs.  
  
"Sorry? For What?" He asked bewildered.  
  
"It's all my fault he died. If only I had stunned Bellatrix sooner.this never would of happened and Sirius would still be alive."  
  
"No, it's not your fault," Remus said firmly. 'Don't blame yourself for what happened. Sirius died the only way he would of wanted to go. He died a hero. No one, not you or myself, could have predicted things would turn out this way. I don't want you thinking this way. It's not your fault! Alright?" He pleaded with her looking into her sad grey eyes. Tonks just nodded her head. She tried to find some comfort in his words but found very little.  
  
Remus hated seeing her this way. He knew it wasn't her fault, deep down he knew it wasn't his fault either but he wouldn't be admitting to that any time soon. After all, they were at war now, and they were going to lose a lot more this way, Sirius was only the beginning.  
  
Tonks stifled her sobs, and blew her nose into the handkerchief Remus handed her.  
  
"It's okay.you keep it." Said Remus as she tried to give it back to him.  
  
"So what was it you wanted to tell me?" She asked trying hard to change the subject.  
  
"W-well.okay. You promise me that you'll listen and won't interrupt me till I'm done? I really need to say this."  
  
"I promise."  
  
Now that the time had come, unwelcome questions invaded his head. 'What if she doesn't feel the same, what if she thinks I'm too old for her, what if our friendship is ruined forever.' He never really gave much thought to the negative impact it could leave on both of them. 'Snap out of it Remus,' he thought nervously, 'she will feel the same way, she will want you.' He said it over and over again in his head, like he was trying to convince himself.  
  
"Remus? Are you going to tell me or not? What is it?" She was very annoyed. "What could be so important? Why do you keep stalling? Why can't you just tell me whatever it is?' She said very irritably.  
  
'Oh just that I love you. That I've always loved you, from the very beginning.' Remus thought to himself. 'I love you, I love you, I love you.' "I love you."  
  
'Did I say that last one out loud?' He thought panicking and confused. He couldn't remember! He looked at Tonks startled face.'Uh oh!"  
  
"What did you say?" Said Tonks a little taken aback at his words.  
  
"Huh? Oh nothing." Said Remus praying she hadn't heard him. He could feel his cheeks turning from pink to red.  
  
"Did you just say 'I love you'?" Asked Tonks softly, her hair turned a light shade of brown. Remus would of turned himself invisible if only he knew how to. He wished he had James' old invisibility cloak with him, he would of used it in a second.  
  
"Y-yes.I believe so." Stuttered Remus, his heart was beating wildly now, his face was now a deep magenta. 'This isn't how I wanted to tell you!' He thought.  
  
"You believe so?"  
  
Remus nodded his head up and down as he turned his eyes to the floor.  
  
He couldn't tell what Tonks was thinking; her face wasn't giving away any indication what she might have been feeling. She wasn't talking either, he couldn't tell whether that was a good thing or not.  
  
Several moments passed like this. The silence between them was both awkward and uncomfortable. Remus couldn't bear it any longer. He had to know. He had to ask her what she was thinking, and if she had any feelings for him at all. He was feeling kind of selfish, considering how she just found out about Sirius and all. He was also embarrassed and scared. Scared of being rejected-something he had been his whole life.  
  
"What are you thinking Tonks?" He asked carefully.  
  
She didn't answer him.  
  
"Tonks?"  
  
Again she did not answer. She wasn't even paying attention to what he was saying. She was still in shock over what he had said moments earlier. She had no idea Remus felt this way about her. In fact, she never heard Remus say those words ever.  
  
"Tonks please say something.anything."  
  
She felt so confused and overwhelmed. She could not give him an answer yet. What would she say? She needed time to sort out her feelings. She needed to be alone right now.to think.  
  
"Remus." Tonks said.  
  
"Yes? What is it?" Said Remus nervously. He was so relieved she finally said something-yet his stomach was churning because he didn't know what she would say next.  
  
"I'm tired. Could you please go home for a bit and rest, you look tired too." She sounded a bit motherly to him.  
  
"Okay, I'll leave." Said Remus almost dejectedly.  
  
"I just need to be alone right now to think. It's a lot of information for a person to digest in one morning."  
  
"I understand. I'll go now." He sighed heavily and picked up his cloak and headed for the door.  
  
"Remus?"  
  
"Yes Tonks?" He stopped in the middle of the doorway.  
  
"Could you come back later tonight?" She asked hopefully. "We can talk then."  
  
He nodded his head indicating a yes. "Of course I will." A small smile came over his lips.  
  
Tonks smiled back as she watched him leave. She was still smiling minutes after he left. She thought she would use this time to organize her thoughts, but her eyelids became heavier and heavier as each moment passed. Before she knew it she was fast asleep.  
  
Deep down she knew what she would tell Remus later that night. A huge smile crept upon her face as she slept.  
  
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A.N.: Well? What did you think? Please review!! Sorry if you think it's a cliffhanger!!!! 


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